Conflict in Adult Close Relationships: An Attachment Perspective

Relationship researchers have focused on the frequency of conflict in couples' relationships and the manner in which couples engage in and try to resolve conflicts. conflict, under some conditions, may facilitate the development and maintenance of associated with patterns of behavior (e.g., negative affect reciprocity, demand-withdraw) and thought that tend to escalate conflict and make it more difficult to negotiate a facilitates intimacy or exacerbates distress may depend on individual differences in the way in which people interpret and respond to conflict. framework for understanding different responses to conflict. People are thought to differ in their working models of attachment, which include expectations, beliefs, and goals These working models are likely to shape people's thoughts, feelings, and behavior during conflict. For example, a person who expects close others to be generally responsive and available is likely to interpret and respond to conflict very differently from a person who expects close others to be rejecting and unavailable. Attachment theory may be able to inform the literature on 3 conflict in close relationships by suggesting how individuals might differ in how they construe conflict. At the same time, the study of relationship conflict provides a useful context for testing important aspects of attachment theory. Conflict may be particularly likely to reveal attachment processes because (a) it may act as a stressor on the relationship and thereby activate the attachment system (Simpson, Rholes, & Phillips, 1996), (b) it challenges partners' abilities to regulate their emotions and behavior (Kobak & Duemmler, 1994), which are thought to be connected to attachment processes and (c) it may trigger behaviors (e.g., personal disclosures) that typically promote intimacy, thereby providing evidence relevant to different attachment goals such as achieving intimacy or maintaining self-reliance (Pietromonaco & Feldman Barrett, 1997). In this chapter, we first discuss how conflict can be conceptualized within an attachment framework. Specifically, we propose that conflict may pose a threat to the attachment bond, but that it also may provide an opportunity for perceiving or experiencing greater intimacy. Furthermore, the degree to which people perceive conflict as a threat, opportunity, or both will depend on the content (e.g., expectations, beliefs, goals) of their working models of attachment. Next, we identify a set of predictions that follow from this framework, and evaluate extent to which empirical findings support these predictions; in particular, we attempt to integrate divergent findings in the empirical literature. Finally, we outline several critical …